But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
