idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
