That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
