So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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