so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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