remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
