i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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