You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
