Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
