I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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