I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
