thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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