I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
