She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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