Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
