I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
