So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
