Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
