I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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