I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
