my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
