how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
