oh god the rape fog is back!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
