Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
