If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
