Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
