Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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