If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
