I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
