My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
