Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Panties = found
Randomize
