Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
