They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
