I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
