i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
