note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
