so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
