You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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