Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
