apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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