Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
