can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
