Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
