Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
