Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
