D3 body, D1 cock
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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