mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
