I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
