btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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