The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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