im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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